A man walks by a store and sees a sign that says:

Accountant Needed!
$35 000 - $40 000
Call Gary (555-5555)

So the man called right a way...
"Gary?"
"Yes?"
"I'm calling about your advertisement in the window?"
"Oh Yes!"
"Gary, you don't need an accountant, the answer is negative $5000"

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads, “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in. “So, what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog. “I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now, I spend my days reading at a retirement home.” The guy is flabbergasted, he turns to the owner and asks, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of a dog like that?” The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that.”